Monday, May 7, 2007

The Secret to Pool Finally Revealed!

That's right, Jimmy. It is a pack of gum!

(Bad/secretly_pretty_good 80's gum, at that.)

Wait. Wha? Gum?

Here's a little background info: I really am a loyal viewer of Dr. Phil. I learned from Dr. Frank Lawlis, a regular Dr. Phil contributer, that chewing gum can help your coordination during physical activities by giving you a rhythm to which to perform. So, I decided to try it out on the pool table.

For the past couple of weeks I have been chewing gum during tournaments and I have come to this bizarre conclusion: Chewing gum while I play actually turns me into a different person, and one who is a significantly better pool-player. I get this cocky jaunt while I am at the table, chompin' away at my gum and I feel like a bratty little teenager who doesn't care whom she is playing, she only knows she wants to beat the crap out of somebody. (While being a completely respectful adult opponent and good sport, natch.)

Now, I am not a fan of the gum "look". I think masticating like a cow in public is severely trashy. Think Britney Spears in a television interview. Smack, smack, smack. But, as a glove-wearer, I am clearly willing to put vanity aside in order to play better. Daintily enjoying half a stick of Dentyne for breath-freshening purposes just doesn't cut it, I have to be on the total chaw.

Gum. Yeah, that's what I said. Smack.


P.S. I beat Earl.


Liz Ford said...

How lame is it that I am the only common-tater. Not even my husband posts comments anymore.

poolminnow said...

This is a revelation. I didn't realize Freshen Up gum was still on the market. My question is, do you actually chew while your shooting, or is it more of: 1) Strut & chew 2) Pause and Shoot 3) Resume strutting & chewing?

Ira Lee said...

It's not right for the gum to steal so much credit.

Here's the part of the post I read:

"I BEAT EARL!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I BEAT EARL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yup, YOU beat earl.

Ira Lee said...

P.S. I hope you stuck the used gum on his nose after the game (just to make a statement). "I hate bad sports, go away."

Liz Ford said...

Actually, I haven't been able to figure that out yet. When I am focused on the shot I don't know whether or not I am chewing. When I think about the gum I can't make a ball.

Liz Ford said...

I am glad you are still speaking to me after I abandoned our team! Granted, I haven't been an asset lately :)

Ira Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
poolminnow said...

Were you chewing gum when you beat Earl?? (Congrats!)